Look at your calendar, you may notice it's January 2008, which means yet another year has coughed up blood and expired on the wet stinking back-alley asphalt of time. How was your New Years? Let me tell you a little about mine.
My plan for this December was to finish up all my projects and goals before Christmas, then use the remaining days to take a deep breath, relax, reflect on my life, and think about my future, then go to a New Years Eve party and soak in the excitement of the new year with a bunch of friends and a bunch of champagne. This…was not to be.
The weekend before New Years, I am flying to L.A, where I am meeting a girl and then taking her car on an epic 2-day road trip back to
Of course I don't have any cash on me. So….nevermind.
I arrive in
(Sidenote: Why do drinking fountains constantly vary in water pressure? Sometimes they shoot onto the floor, sometimes they barely gurgle out. I saw a kid completely making out with the nozzle, full-on lips and tongue. Be warned,
I stand in line for literally one hour to get my tickets changed. They transfer me to American Airlines. I take my new ticket and walk across the entire airport to
I arrive in L.A at , and meet up with Lori, the girl I'm coming to help move up to
The next day we begin our journey. It's me, Lori, and her dog Whiskey packed into her car with all her possessions in the back. We drive all day, then crash at Comfort Inn, where we lay in bed and drink Whiskey (the liquor) while watching blaxploitation films on TV. Whiskey (the dog) pees on the floor. The next day I take a shower. While drying my hair I note that the towel stinks horribly. Lori informs me that it's the towel she used to dry up Whiskey's pee. Did I mention that today, Dec 30th, is my birthday?
We have breakfast at the hotel. I am baffled by the unnecessarily hi-tech toaster. The hotel manager condescends to me while showing me how to toast a bagel.
We hit the road again. It's New Years Eve. We drive all day. My buttocks fuse with the seat leather. My spine compacts down several inches. We arrive in
The Space Needle fireworks display goes awry, misfires, fizzles out. It's on the news the next day.
Also the next day, Whiskey poops on my sheepskin rug, and I fully kneel my hand in it.
Happy New Year!