The Vatican has made it "harder" to become a saint, according to what I just heard on NPR. Apparently there were just way too many potential saints being processed by the Vatican's "Office of Sainthood" (this is real) and it had created a massive backlog of paperwork. It seems that during his term, Pope John Paul had been instituting a sort of Affirmative Action for sainthood, basically watering down the requirements in order to get certain "pet projects" passed, because he wanted to see the canonization of more saints from developing nations.

The exact process of selecting saints was not explained, but the Vatican is now trying to restore that process to its hardcore roots. This sucks, because I was already having trouble performing even one of those two miracles currently required, and who knows how many it's jumping up to now. As if it wasn't hard enough to do that whole "live a blameless life" and "be revered by your community" thing, I mean come on Vatican, we're having enough trouble with all this recession crap over here, you really think it's a great time to be making things harder? Cut us a break, I mean jeez, for the love of God.

On the plus side, though, I also learned from this piece that the required miracles don't necessarily have to be performed while I'm alive. See, according to the Office of Sainthood, if, after I've died, someone prays to me—not to God or Jesus or Spiritus Sanctus, but to me—for a miracle, like healing for instance, and they are healed, then that counts. Counts as 1 point for the Isaac Marion Sainthood Campaign. So….might still have a shot at this. But it still kind of sucks, because if I'm dead when I become a saint, how is all that rockstar prestige going to get me laid?


  1. Fake a death,
    have someone pretend to have some sort of problem like severe asthma and get them to say they prayed to you and you cured their asthma dilema. Then revive yourself from the dead.

    That should get you many girls in bed.. Or guys if you prefer I guess.. You didn't exactly specify.

  2. Damn, good thing you let me know. I had this whole Sunday planned around being Sainted. I guess I'll just go to the movies.

  3. I think God should think of a way to make it easier for the Vatican guys. I mean, they only go thru all this work to choose saints because God never gives any clues about what is goin on inside His mind. Well, the Pope has direct access to the Almighty, right? So God could promote something like a reality show for Vatican viewers only. The pope, two or three cardinals, maybe some nuns (just to have female opinions). A kind of Survivor, Big Brother, Heavenly Idol, I don't know. The Vatican guys would watch it and, once a week, call to eliminate one of the participants. At the end of the show, the last one standing would be made saint.
    It would be a lot easier for everyone. It's time to God to review His concepts and stop being such a conservative guy.