11/23/2008

How sad is it....

....that one of the most melodically pretty songs on the radio right now is set to the lyrics: "Shorty wanna thug, bottles in da club, shorty wanna hump, you know I wanna touch, your lovely lady lumps"

???

Seriously, can you just picture whoever "produced" this song pouring their heart and soul into this instrumental melody and then handing it over to Lil Wayne and watching him do what he do?
It's ridiculous how incongruous to the melody so many Top 40 lyrics are. The melody says "The world is beautiful and I'm in pain", but the lyrics say "I like to have sex in bars."


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11/20/2008

Stories / Zombie update

I've posted a very minor story/poem called "Wind House". I also revised another minor short I posted a while back, "Awww..." in case you missed it/skipped it.

Novel update:

Last Tuesday, I finished writing my indie romantic pro-zombie epic parable, WARM BODIES. By "finished" I mean finished the first draft, ie, I wrote the last paragraph, but I still have editing to do. I expect to finish that this weekend. Then I send it out to some people for feedback, make revisions, and hopefully have it all finished and printed before Christmas. This is the plan. Cross your fingers with me on this, as we all know anything can happen in the Holiday season.

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11/19/2008

Too Much Cummings!

It is my belief that America is about to reach a critical and catastrophic overload of Jim Cummings voiceover work.

Who is Jim Cummings? He's a voice actor whose gravelly voice has become so ubiquitous it's now nearly impossible to go through a day's worth of media without at least one of those "Hey! That's Jim Cummings!" moments.

At present time, Cummings is the current narrator in several McDonalds radio ads, all the Schucks Auto Supply radio ads, and the Cheeze-It commercials--and that's just off the top of my head. In addition to his inescapable presence in commercials, a quick scan of his IMDB reveals that he's been in just about every animated film, TV show, and video game since the dawn of time:


And what's so disturbing is, his voice is ENTIRELY recognizable, even when it's changed dramatically for different characters. So once you're attuned to that thick, sandy, nauseating smoker's baritone, you will start to notice it...everywhere.

Naturally the result of this is a deep, permeating, ontological horror:

As one starts to hear Jim Cummings in every character, every narrator, every commercial and every broadcast in every form of every media, one starts to feel like THE WHOLE WORLD IS JIM CUMMINGS----that everyone you thought you knew, all your friends and family members, THEY'RE ALL JUST CHARACTERS VOICED BY JIM CUMMINGS, and soon, inevitably, EVEN YOU WILL BECOME JIM CUMMINGS!

It's at that point that one leaps off a rope bridge or factory catwalk and lets out a piercing, hopeless Wilhelm Scream.



.

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11/11/2008

Top baby names for 2035, when most babies are being had by little kids

Aawon

Chwista

Waychel

Woberwt

Doomslash

Megabolt

T-Wex

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11/01/2008

Kung Fu Kids / Zombie Novel

Had a rather entertaining conversation with one of my clients at the rehab clinic the other day. Me and this huge African American ex-convict drug addict were sitting around watching Jet Li's "Fearless" with his 4 year old son, and he revealed that when he was younger he trained in five different styles of martial arts, such as Kung Fu, Aikido, Ninjitsu, etc. He complained how wildly unrealistic Kung Fu movies are in their depictions of Kung Fu techniques, and we talked about how it would be nice if his son could get involved in martial arts. As we discussed this, his son was flying around the room striking dramatic poses, making grim faces, making sound effects, kicking couches, toys, and us. We decided maybe teaching him martial arts wasn't such a good idea, imagining the irate phone calls from Daycare:

"Uhh, sir? Your son performed the Three Fingered Stinging Dragon Technique on Timmy at lunch today. Yeah, so Timmy's paralyzed, and your son won't undo the technique...we really need you to come down here."

By the way, news from the writing front...

As I may have mentioned, I'm working on a full-length novel based on my one-hit-wonder short story, "I Am a Zombie Filled With Love". In fact, I'm almost finished with this novel, it's the best thing I've ever written, and I'm extremely excited about it.

It's called WARM BODIES.

The story:

"An existentially tormented zombie rescues a fiery teenage girl from being eaten by his fellow undead, taking her back to the zombies' airport city as a camoflaged captive. As he finds himself falling in love with her, he discovers a long-forgotten sense of purpose, and attempts the impossible feat of bringing himself, and the rest of his decaying world, back to life."

Amazingly, I expect to be done writing this book before the end of November.
Stay tuned, or as the British say, "chuned".

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