6/26/2009

The Worst Pain In the World!!


In another wide-eyed trance of Wikipedia crawling, I found this horrifying and fascinating thing:

CLUSTER HEADACHES!

Doesn't sound too ominous...maybe just a headache that comes and goes in groups...? WRONG. Apparently, cluster headaches are an extreme neurological problem that makes the most severe migraine you've ever imagined look like a whiny two-beer hangover.

The feeling is described as a spike being driven through the center of your skull, or someone trying to rip out your eyeball through the back of your head. The degree of pain it causes has been compared to amputating limbs without anesthesia. Women compare it to the pain of natural childbirth and say it's MUCH WORSE.

CLUSTER HEADACHES ARE CONSIDERED BY MEDICAL SCIENCE TO BE THE WORST PAIN HUMAN BEINGS EVER EXPERIENCE.

ISN'T THAT FUCKED UP??

And people who suffer from this condition sometimes have attacks up to TWENTY TIMES A WEEK. No wonder they're also referred to as "suicide headaches"--apparently many victims have to be put under 24 hour suicide watch because they will gladly off themselves at the first warning sign just to escape the coming headache.

HOW TOTALLY BATSHIT IS THAT??

The horrible irony of it is that the Worst Pain In The Universe is caused by something that isn't even physically harmful. Medically, the headaches are considered "benign", because nothing in your body is actually being damaged, basically your brain just suddenly decides to tell you that you're experiencing cosmically vast agony for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.

ALSO THERE IS NO CURE. There are a variety of preventative medicines and methods to ease the pain, but all of these are feeble semi-solutions that often FAIL.

Interestingly, one of the reportedly successful methods of ending a headache is to "accutely modulate hypthalmic function" BY HAVING SEX.

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF ANGRY CRAZY SCREAMING HELLSEX THAT WOULD BE??


HOW CAN ANYTHING BE SO TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY EFFED????



In other words......everyone, everywhere, stop complaining about anything, ever.




22 comments:

  1. I get these. They hurt and I miss a lot of school.

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  2. i thought the worst pain was the one cause by calcium stones inside our kidneys. i had those and it hurts like hell. i had 12 hours or pure paiful "fun"

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  3. I'm so happy I just get the auras from migraines, no actual pain.

    This just sounds hellish.

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  4. Jenna! Are you kidding me? Actual officially diagnosed cluster headaches? How often do you get them, and how do you stand it? Seems like "they hurt" is putting it mildly...

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  5. "batshit". i'm using that.

    i'll be back in seattle from july 20th til august 1st. a-l has a trespassers william show at the tractor on july 21st that should be amazing.

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  6. Yes, I too used to suffer these. I was never officially diagnosed, but those that I suffered were WAY beyond the symptoms of migraine. A lady that I worked with was diagnosed with having cluster headaches and my symptoms were exactly the same as hers. From as early as I can remember (3-4?) to about age 21 this was a fairly common thing, maybe three to four times each month. Early on my pediatrician diagnosed them as "sinus trouble" and being too young to properly communicate, I just cried a lot instead. They are absolutely debilitating and yes, I would concur that this is definitely in the running for THE WORST PAIN IN THE WORLD!!

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  7. I saw a doctor on TV (they were talking about headaches in general) saying it only happens 2-3 times A YEAR. I'll ask a neurologist how many times this shit happens.

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  8. I have fibromyalgia, and it's similar, except it's unexplained pain ALL OVER MY ENTIRE BODY ALL THE TIME ALL AT ONE. It also has no cure. Literally, all the time. It's terrible. Plus other fun symptoms (IBS, Acid Reflux, nausea, fatigue, memory loss, etc) =( Cluster headaches and migraines are awful. I can definitely relate. Health issues suck.

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  9. I thought the worst pain in the world was when your child dies.

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    1. i would image it is but a different sort of pain.......A dad and also a cluster headache sufferer

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  10. I know this comment comes months later, but: cluster headaches do indeed feel like your eyeballs are being ripped out of the back of your skull, and that's on a good day. Another fun variation I have is the sensation of a lit match being ground into my face for hours at a time. It is the kind of pain that literally makes you feel like you are going to go crazy if it doesn't stop. Most of the meds are crap and do often fail. And I guarantee it happens more than 2-3 times a year, no matter what a neuro says. I have absolutely no doubt that people kill themselves over this, and yet medical experts continue to call them harmless. So much fun.

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  11. My boyfriend was diagnosed with cluster headaches at the age of 6... He went from specialist to specialist, years before he was diagnosed and is documented in medical books as the youngest person to be diagnosed. It effects what jobs he can get and makes him severely depressed because of how detrimental to his life they are. It is the saddest, most miserable, pitiful thing to witness and TRUST ME...you CANNOT say you have cluster headaches and HAVE NOT been offically dianosed..if they were that painful to you..you would have sought help, or your parents would have gotten it for you. It's not something anyone would just pass over, like it was nothing.

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  12. See, that is what I've been waiting to hear. All these people keep posting comments like "Yeah, I have cluster headaches, they suck." which makes me pretty suspicious of their claims. Nobody who had the real disease described in that article would pass it off so lightly.

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  13. Ican describe the pain like this:

    It is 2:00pm and I feel one coming. At 2:05PM I am pacing the floor and gripping my head. I have to pace for 3 reasons: 1. It seems to help a bit 2. If I dont pace I may fall over. 3. I am just compelled to do so.

    To say that they suck or they hurt are both accurate understatments. You do not HAVE to be diagnosed to know you have them. I have no insurance and several visits to the ER produced no help. It was only when I described the pain to a doctor as "It would gladly die to be rid of it" that he told me to look up cluster headaches.

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  14. Apparently breathing pure oxygen works if you start treatment early enough at the first sign of an attack. WHAT I WOULD DO IS GET A PRESCRIPTION FOR THE OXEGEN TANK. It can relive the pain in under 10 mins! If you don't have insurance you need to find away to get it. Oxygen shouldn't cost that much, it's easy enough to make only requiring an electrical current through water. Any way if any of you truly suffer from this I pray for you.

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  15. all i can say is that i feel for all who have this i have broken bones and from what ya'll are sayin it's way worst than that so all i can say is sorry and i feel so bad dat you would want to take your life because of it just try to remeber your friends and family would feel much more pain if you did

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  16. For all who suffer from this horrible condition, do research on psylocybin mushrooms. They have been proven to reduce the symptoms and even stop headaches altogether. I am writing a research paper on the subject for my medicinal botany class. I some of you will benefit from this information.

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  17. Advancements in cluster migraine can be linked to many areas. While much has been written on its influence on contemporary living, several of today most brilliant minds seem incapable of recognizing its increasing relevance to understanding future generations. Since it was first compared to antidisestablishmentarianism much has been said concerning cluster migraine by the over 50, who are likely to form a major stronghold in the inevitable battle for hearts and minds. Hold onto your hats as we begin a journey into cluster migraine.

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  18. Addison, I have to reuse a term from the blog above. You're batshit... There's NO SUCH THING as a Cluster Migraine. You either have CH - Cluster Headaches OR Migraines. The two have NOTHING to do with each other, other than the fact they happen in the head...

    You're calling something a cluster migraine is like calling a broken arm cut... Hmm, is it a broken arm? Or a cut... I don't know, but your remark is batshit... and YES I have CH...

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  19. My 27 yr old daughter started having these 10 days ago and had 5 of them! She is going to a neurologists soon. I took her to an ophthalmologist and her general md about them already. She's had migraines, which is nothing like these. Her insurance survey says cluster headaches and what I witnessed from them...it is a CH! It's awful to watch the pacing, rocking excruciating pain with such helplessness! What's so horrible to me is that people have to live with these!

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