Kafka's Cookbook

When I moved into my apartment I took over the lease from my aunt, who left a lot of her old junk here when she moved out. Today I was glancing through the kitchen cabinets and a cookbook caught my eye. The spine reads:


The author is:


Intrigued, having read a little Kafka in my day and wondering what sort of recipes he would come up with, I pulled the book out.

Barbara Kafka.... Was it Kafka's wife? Or was Barbara just Kafka's cookbook pseudonym, since Microwave Gourmet Cooking was not a socially acceptable activity for Austrian Jews in the early 1900's? Either way, I was intrigued, and began to peruse the recipes inside. A couple particularly yummy ones:

Colony Noodles with penal sauce
"Place all ingredients in cooking Apparatus, with harrow set to inscribe 'Be Delicious'. Let sit for 12 hours."

Cockroach Tenderloin with alienated potatoes and shame sauce
"Transform tenderloin in large mixing bowl. Microwave on High until dead."

Some of the other recipes looked pretty good too, but they were left unfinished.


  1. I love cockroach tenderloin! It's a shame I'm trying so hard to be a vegetarian these days. =/

  2. hahahahaha,
    kafka is my favorite writer, and this post made my day, thank you!

  3. You should totally write for McSweeney's. This made my day.

  4. well then I feel obliged to recognize being part of that 10%. woot english majors!

  5. My dentist is a huge Kafka fan, which I find pretty cool until I'm in his chair and gets out the tray of metal devices.