9/29/2009

Let's write some labored metaphors!





The wine swirled in her glass like a dark purple dog circling to lie down in a transparent glass bed.


The clouds were like gigantic couch cushions that someone had ripped open and pulled all the stuffing out of for some reason.


He recoiled from her touch like a mouse who was just about to eat some cheese only to realize the cheese was bait in a mouse trap.


Her skin was like chocolate pudding, although firmer and not as sticky, and a different color.


His laugh was like rock concert if the band was a comedy band and they were working the crowd pretty well.


That summer in Seattle was like the Detroit Race Riots, except instead of looters we had uncomfortably hot people and instead of racial tensions we had 85 degree heat that we weren't used to.


Her eyes were like two sailboats if the boats were round and painted light blue.


He gasped for air like a football quarterback who just got chased for twenty blocks by drug dealers after things went bad in a drug deal that happened during the off-season.


He had a face like a sawmill if a sawmill could somehow be like a face.



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13 comments:

  1. Brilliant! Have you ever looked at the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest? ( http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ ) I feel like these are contenders.

    The dog in the glass bed is my favorite. So... lyrical.

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  2. The fat kid pounced on the last smartie like a sabertooth tiger pouncing on a pregnant cave woman who was left behind by her clan for fear that she would slow them down, ejected from the group like a sea cucumber ejecting it's unused internal organs to distract a predator... if a predator was a fat kid after a smartie.

    Dolman

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Aw man, that cunt Dolman totally stole your thunder with that totally primo metaphor.

    Oh, and
    The tensions hung in the air like an elephant in the room, but it was a relatively small elephant but the only reason you could notice his presents what so ever was due to the fact he had defecated on the floor in the corner of the room, as animals generally due, and which the smell lingered in the air due to poor ventilation... And the tensions were so thick that breathing through your mouth only made it worse because it gave the sensation that you could taste the feces.

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  5. I like those, but aren't they all similies?

    He gripped the knife - it was a reflective sharpened sausage.

    The trees were draped over the hills, a living green blanket knitted by your Grandma, knitted of pine cones and tree-trunks and wildlife.

    Now that's some awkward metaphor.

    /pedantry

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  6. A simile is a type of metaphor in which the comparison is made with the use of the word like or its equivalent. So, a simile is a type of metaphor, but a metaphor is not necessarily a simile.

    /getyergrammergameupson

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  7. ps: talking to "bleachedscripture"

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  8. anonymous,

    Of course I could be wrong, but as far as I know, similes and metaphors are two distinct things, doing the same job differently: the simile does it explicitely, while the metaphor may say the same thing, but in a more stylish, implicit way. So, as I see things, a simile is not a subset of the set metaphors, but a set itself. The same could be said about metaphors.

    Therefore, could you please tell us your references?

    /letusplay=)

    ps.: it's not bleachedscripture

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  9. I think the last poster is right. I knew these were similes, but figured not that many non-writers know what a simile is, so I went with metaphor. Did I underestimate my audience? Maybe.

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  10. This simile/metaphor discussion gives me terrible flashbacks to "Language Arts" and Reading classes from 4th-10th grade. Every year "A metaphor is something comparing two things, a simile does the same thing using like or as" I'm not sure how they managed to get 6 years worth of material out of that.

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  11. Maggie said: "I'm not sure how they managed to get 6 years worth of material out of that."

    I believe the solution to the puzzle is this: the concept, a baton in the teachers' hands, was constantly dropped by the runners of the next leg; the coaches required additional practice until the handoff was perfected by some.

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  12. I am confused. Is a metaphor making a direct analogy, like, "The lord is my shepherd"? Or is a metaphor a statement like, "I walk the hills like a sheep" a metaphor? Which one is a simile? Thank you!

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