Professional Crastinators

Two ways you can always finish what you start:

1--When you start, do not stop until you have finished.

2--Do not start.

People keep asking me if they can do stuff with my stuff, and yet stuff with my stuff is never done.

Where is the stuff?

So far people have asked me if they can:

Make a short film out of "Future Me"
Make a short film out of "I Am a Zombie Filled With Love"
Do a dramatic performance based on "I Am a Zombie Filled With Love"
Do a book report on "Warm Bodies"
Make a graphic novel out of "Blind Date"
Record a cover song of "What the Mountain Said"

The answer to all these requests has been "Yes, but I want to see it when you're done."

But--have I seen short films, dramatic performances, book reports, graphic novels, or cover songs?

I have not.

This makes me do this:


Which is not a face with an elephant trunk, but rather a face--my face--crying a pool of tears.

Please do not toy with my emotions. My emotions are not toys.

These are toys:

My emotions are none of these things. Except maybe sometimes the third one.



  1. That final toy is terrifying.
    Also, it's a shame that no one has followed through with those ideas. If I ever have to do a book report maybe I'll choose Warm Bodies!

  2. This made me laugh really hard. Thank you, Isaac. You're truly a hero among men. If I ever do anything from now on, ever, I will alert you via telephone.

  3. I may have done a book report on The Inside. I wish I had a copy.

  4. I emailed you about doing a film version of Sunroof a while ago, but my roommate the filmmaker (who loved the idea) ended up quitting his dreams of filmmaking and I moved out anyway. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK YOUR HEART ISAAC

  5. I did a book report on the inside and warm bodies last year.

    Sorry I never asked, but I can get the report when I go back to school.