Gnat Balls

You know gnat balls?
You know those big balls of gnats that gnats make when they all want to hang out?

Tons of gnats. Awesome!

How do you think they decide where to hold those events? I mean they're usually just in some random location, floating in some arbitrary point in mid-air, and yet somehow, all those hundreds of gnats had to agree on that spot, right? Otherwise they'd all be in different spots like, "I'm at the spot I thought we said. Where's all the other gnats?" And there wouldn't be any gnat balls, there'd just be gnats.

One gnat. Boring.

Do you think it's the same as with human parties, and one motivated gnat has to pick a location and then go around calling all his gnat friends and inviting them to come be in the ball? He's like, "Let's meet five feet above the sidewalk at Harvard Ave and Roy Street. Listen guys. This is going to be so fun." And some of them say they're totally going to come, but then they totally don't come?

Do you think gnats always choose to have their balls at human-face height because watching humans choke and gag on a mouthful of gnats is funny to them?

What about the gnats that get choked and gagged on? Those gnats can't possibly find it funny.

It seems like it'd be a lot of work to put together a party as big as gnat balls are. There are probably at least two hundred gnats in those balls. The original gnat that first decided he or she needed to have a gnat ball that night--I'm assuming he or she wouldn't schedule it in advance since gnats only live one day--must be not only really popular but also really energetic and committed to making social stuff happen.

Why do we say social butterfly? We should say social gnat. Gnats are the ones that know how to throw a party, and you'll notice they never invite any butterflies.

I bet butterflies are assholes.

Thinks he's so cool but he's not.


  1. I bet they think with a hive mind. Kind of like the Borg. Kind of like... cool.

  2. I think they are mating swarms composed of male gnats. From what I understand, the males aggregate near visual edges (like at the border between light and shadow), which makes them much more obvious to females that a single boy gnat would be. Females that want to mate enter the mating swarm, and then are gang-raped by all the fellows. The beauty of nature?

  3. I think the decision to fly at human height was strictly an evolutionary one at best. I bet that through trial and error, male gnats realized that they could get more female gnats the closer they flew to a human's face. Whichever male was more annoying to a human earned the right to mate.

    Also, butterflies are like those people who walk through the door at a house party and immediately make you face palm and shake your head disapprovingly

  4. I hate getting gnats in my eyeballs.

  5. Monarch party.

  6. It didn't let me post the link but here is the URL. Monarch party take 2.


  7. You Dumb shits, it's a humorous article/blog. Like he actually gives a shit about "Gnat Facts." Google a life. Or a sense of humor...Batman out.

  8. Butterfly's are assholes!