I'm in big trouble.
I hope you guys are good forgivers.
I put my short story collection, THE HUNGRY MOUTH up for pre-order a couple weeks ago, promising that it would be finished mid-December and you'd receive it before Christmas. What I didn't mention was that I'm still writing the damn thing. Well, not writing it, but doing final editing with my agent/editor. He reads the book, takes notes on what's wrong with it, sends them to me, and I edit. I thought I would've been finished with this process weeks ago, but as I've mentioned before, my agent is a unique case because as much as he is a wizard at the business side of literature and can sell a gay prostitution memoir to a grade school textbook publisher, he's also an artist. He understands literature much better than I do, and his grasp of what works and what doesn't, in every area from major plot points down to comma placement, makes me think he should write his own novels. He also had a pretty kickass grunge band in the 90s.
The upside of him being an artist is he makes a great editor. The downside is that like most artists, he's a bit, shall we say...unpredictable. And in this case, an editing process which he assured me would take less than a week has taken about a month. Which is to say, THE BOOK WON'T BE READY IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
I really do apologize. I'm going to be finished editing within a couple days, but then it takes 7 days to print the books, and at least 3 days to ship them to you, so realistically, you're not going to receive them till the first or second week of January. I'm a bad person and if you want to press charges for fraud, I will understand. Maybe prison will toughen me up. It worked for Dostoyevsky.
Almost 200 books have already been pre-ordered, and I'm sure a lot of those were intended as gifts. Since I've failed to deliver on my promise, what I'd like to do is send you a postcard so you'll at least have something to give them on Christmas morning/Hanukah evening or whenever it is you celebrate Hanukah. So if you pre-ordered the book as a gift for someone else (not yourself!) please email me at **redacted***, put HOLIDAY STYLINGS in the subject line, give me your address and tell me who the gift is for. I'll send a postcard that you can wrap up and write "I didn't fuck up, the author did" on the envelope.
(PLEASE only do this if you bought the book as a gift. My poor wrists can't handle writing 200 postcards.)