2/01/2012

Shipping Confirmation

DEAR FRIENDS

It's done.




World's Longest Receipt
(Forgive me, post office employees...)



All international orders of The Hungry Mouth were shipped yesterday, and all US orders will be shipped in a few hours when a mail truck comes to my apartment to load up large box and 9 garbage sacks full of books.

I would like to apologize profusely for being...what is it...over a month behind schedule? Most of you have been very gracious about the delays...a few of you not so much. To anyone currently pissed at me, what you have to understand is that you didn't buy a book from the Random House via the Amazon Corporation, you bought a home-made book from the author, hand-packaged by the author and shipped out of the author's apartment. Furthermore, it was a pre-order, with an estimate of when the books would be ready. The fact is, when you made your order...gulp...the book wasn't even totally written yet. Well, it was written, but not edited. And then I had delays of all varieties....an agent slow to give notes, a printer slow to print, a snowstorm that made them even slower...

Anyway. That's all behind us now. The books are on their way to your hot little hands. At least I assume your hands are hot, since most of you are generally hot people. I don't have a hand fetish or anything. Does anyone have hand fetishes? Why foot fetishes but no hand fetishes? Maybe since hands are already approved sexual instruments, lusting after them isn't really a fetish at all? Like having a vagina fetish?

Anyway. A few notes on the shipping process.

FIRST AND FOREMOST: I MIGHT HAVE FUCKED UP.

Due to the aforementioned unprofessional nature of this shipping process, the fact that it was all done manually via my Gmail inbox, without use of spreadsheets or record keeping of any kind, it's POSSIBLE that I may have missed your order. It's also possible I may have doubled up your order. I did the best I could, but I am only human, and a fairly confused, scatterbrained human at that.

FILING A GRIEVANCE

If you haven't received your package after an appropriate amount of time (see chart below) please email me at *****redacted****

If you receive more books than you ordered, please give the extras to a reader you think will appreciate them.

SHIPPING TIMELINES

If you're inside the US, you should receive your book within 3-5 business days. (Please allow at least 7 days before assuming your order was missed.)

If you're in the US and you ordered multiple books, I had to ship Media Mail to avoid exorbitant overweight shipping costs, so you will get your book in about 7 business days. (please allow at least 10 days before complaining.)

If you're outside the US, you'll get yours in 5-10 business days. (Please allow at least 12 days before sending me to prison. You don't know what convicts do to authors...)


MORE DISCLAIMERS

Please enjoy a good laugh at how comically oversized some of the envelopes are. That was due to me not understanding the concepts of width and length and ordering hundreds of mailers on Ebay without confirming they were an appropriate size for a tiny book. I do have some concern about how much the packages might slide around inside there, so if your book arrives all scuffed up, please forgive me. Think of it as a rustic, hand-made book. Shiny new books have no character, no soul.


THAT IS ALL. IF YOU ENJOY THIS BOOK, PLEASE WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMAN OR OTHER LOCAL REPRESENTATIVE AND REQUEST THAT IT BE PUBLISHED BY A MAJOR PUBLISHING HOUSE IMMEDIATELY.




NOTE: THERE ARE STILL ABOUT 100 COPIES AVAILABLE. BUY THEM AT WWW.THEHUNGRYMOUTH.COM

26 comments:

  1. This has to be the most humble and sweet thing ever. Looking forward to receiving it! :D

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  2. i have a penis fetish.

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  3. I have faith.....plus there is more chance your book will survive the US and UK postal service intact and then get chewed up by my two dogs as it plops through the letterbox!

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  4. Yay! I'm so looking forward to getting my book! Merry Christmas to me!

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  5. Your so silly Issac, cute cute letter

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  6. Don't lose it, that's a great tax deduction...

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  7. Saaaay, if I were in the Seattle area, do you think we could meet up and make a trade? My fifteen dollars for your The Hungry Mouth?

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  8. IWASPHONE:
    That depends...are you someone I know and hang out with? If so, sure, I'll give you a copy next time I see you. If not, wouldn't it be much easier for both of us if I just ship it to you?

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  9. Dude, I think for 12 days you are being too much optimistic. Last time was like 3 MONTHS remember? And the first one was like 6 weeks. In 12 days i'll probably contact you, but just for you to reserve my backup copy (if it's ok). Then we'll wait a little (lot) longer.

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  10. Holy shit, I'm surprised they didn't make you buy them a new printer roll.

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  11. Are you kidding? I single-handedly paid all their salaries for the month!

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    1. You made them work for their money, that's for sure!

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  12. So pumped to finally read it! If mine was an order that was missed, I'll be in the Seattle area next month and I may hunt you down :)

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  13. My copy arrived in the mail today and I am SO EXCITED! ! ! !

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  14. Got my copy today #166. Immediately got the humor in the way you addressed my name ADRIAAAAAAAAAAAN! LOL Perfect for this cold rainy NC day. Thanks so much looking forward to a great read.

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  15. Adrian, lame joke I know...but when you're writing down 350 names, you have to go with what pops into your head... :-)

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  16. I've just finished reading Warm Bodies. It was beautiful, man. It actually brought tears to my eyes and I thought I was too tough and jaded for that crap. So I googled Isaac Marion to find out more about this wonderful new writer and ended up ordering my copy of The Hungry Mouth. I'm really looking forward to receiving it. Thanks!

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  17. I received your book this morning - it is absolutely perfect, thank you very much.

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  18. Got it in the UK, Brillo!!

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  19. Hi, I just ordered my copy today and I live in the Philippines. How long do you think it'll take before I get it? :)

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  20. Hope you've still got a few copies left! I found out about you and the book in the weirdest way and was sold immediatly. Looking forward to recieving a copy. Eventually. :D

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  21. I just got mine, opened it gently, read the first story, and instantly fell in love again. I need to set aside a weekend to reread Warm Bodies and The inside. You're easily one of my favourite authors, sir.

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  22. Got my book last friday here in Brazil. It came with a lot of soul in it (all scuffed up), but no biggy.
    Got around reading it all the next saturday afternoon, and I'm pleased!

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  23. I am really sad that I did not know about any of this until the movie came out.I went to see the movie, then I read Warm Bodies in like 24 hours, and as soon as I could I read The New Hunger. Sadly I missed out on The Hungry Mouth. All of the copies were sold by the time I got to this website. Anyway I have really enjoyed reading what I can, and I think that until you write the sequel my life will be incomplete. ^_^

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  24. Um... I meant to post this on your most recent blog... Sorry I don't read or post on blogs very often.

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