6/11/2012

GOOD KISSERS

I wonder how it is that people develop such wildly different kissing styles. Some people open their mouths wide like a Moray eel and swallow your whole face—lips, chin, nose and all. Some people thrust their tongue down your throat like they wish it was a penis. Some people keep their lips firmly sealed and push hard against your face like a mannequin, smashing your lips against your teeth and forcing you to pull back to avoid bloodshed. And some people balance it all perfectly and move and dance around your mouth and inside it and touch nerves against nerves just enough to set off sparks without drowning them. You can spend hours on first base with these people. You can leave without ever getting past their clothes and still walk home wearing the grin of the just-fucked.

Why is it that some people learn this and some don’t? One might think it’s a matter of experience, but I’ve known 17-year-olds who kiss like oiled sex and 36-year-olds who kiss like cold beef. Even more intriguing: everyone I’ve known who’s bad at kissing is also not very good at living. Bitterness, phobias, deep-seated traumas and mental distortions, underdeveloped personalities. Science says we evolved kissing as a way to read the health of our mates through their smells and tastes. Could the style of the kissing itself, the passion and grace or lack thereof, be an expression of the soul’s health in the same way the smells and tastes are an expression the body’s?

8 comments:

  1. Interesting post! I always wondered this myself. I've never personally been told I'm a bad kisser, but I can never understand those people who manage to kiss really loudly, sloppily or why they think it's a good idea to dive tongue-first. It's not all about the tongue! Tongue is a tool to be used sparingly IMO, and it's certainly not for public display.

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    1. LOL at the comment above me. The tongue may be used as much as you want if you are good at using it. ;P

      Otherwise keep it to yourself.

      While the post was funny, it may not be right on the tormented soul part. I knew a guy with a really messed up soul, morals, depression to boot and he kissed better than most people I've kissed.

      I think it really comes down to whether or not the kisser is a give an take person. The want to please and enjoy equally.

      In other notes people who actually bite hard are the worst kissers. Along with people who are stiff and determined keep their lips on their teeth at all times.

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    2. Some kinds of emotional damage actually make people better kissers. It just depends on which way they swing with it. Sometimes traumatized people because hyper-sensual and very good at/desirous of sex, to the point of it being unhealthy. Sometimes they completely shut down and compress inward. More often what I've noticed is the people who are bad kissers are just kind of stunted. They have simplistic personalities that don't understand sensuality or don't care about it and they just stomp their way through life ham-lipped.

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  2. I thought you'd describe a typical Seattle kisser for sure - the rain-slipping-under-your-hood type. Alas. You left me wondering.

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  3. Some people enjoy eating face, some want to dump a little saliva in your mouth, while others just wanna skip this step and get to the naked. A good kisser is nice, but maybe they have a small penis or were previously a woman. Everyone's different, but everyone has room for improvement and can learn new tricks.

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  4. Or-you have ones out there that are simply "Starfish" as my friend would say. They just lie there and don't move.

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    1. What do you mean just lie there and don't move?

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  5. I think it also depends on the way the person feels about you. Perhaps you make her nervous or maybe she doesn't love you anymore. (Not YOU, but the generalized "you")

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